Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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