my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
