i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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