pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
