Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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