He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
