I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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