Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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