Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
