I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When are your genitals available?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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