u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
