I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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