Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
