I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
