Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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