For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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