i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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