I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
