im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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