Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
