Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
