yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
