As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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