You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
