Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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