i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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