im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
