I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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