You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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