Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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