he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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