So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
