This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
