I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
