no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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