She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
