just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
