It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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