FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
