nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
