my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
