So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
