If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
