I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize