hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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