he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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