I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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