If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You've changed since you got that strap on
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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