well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
