Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
