I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
