YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
