Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
