Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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