So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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