After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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