Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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