Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
