You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
