i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
