I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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