Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
